Now

I was recently thinking about what it is like to be a freshman. I remember this feeling. For a while at the beginning, there was a new and fresh feeling. I was in a new place with new people trying to do something completely different. Having conquered and triumphed over the previous system, I was ready to put away the past and try my hand at new endeavors. Also, I remember feeling that I'd somehow been given a second chance; a fresh start. I felt this way in high school and in college.

As I began to grow into my new surroundings and experiences, I realized something. I was awakened to the fact: I was at the bottom of yet another food chain, so to speak. I didn't notice this until I had to begin working with and interacting with people who were further along. People who had already been through their freshman years. People who had already seen and gone through all of the struggles of being a freshman. As I surveyed their lives from a distance, I could not see their own struggles. Only their freedoms from mine. I would see juniors and seniors talking casually with people they'd gotten to know for years now talking about things they'd gone through together, while I sat alone wondering who all these people were that I may or may not ever get to connect with.

I think this is where I am at today. I have had a unique opportunity to look into other people's lives that I am working with that I interact with on a daily basis. I have found myself looking covetously, wishing I could only be a few years further along. So I could progress past some of the issues I currently face and maybe get deeper roots planted into career paths, relationships, hobbies....

I was talking to a friend online; we were catching up. we asked each other what was going on and all that. I remember saying something like, "Oh, I'm just doing what I do. Trying to make it work..." Something like that, and she exclaimed. "Greg, you've been saying that for years!" I couldn't tell if she was disappointed or frustrated with me or what. But it felt like frustration because maybe I am really frustrated with myself for not doing what I had to in order to move forward...

Hope for the future is so difficult when you're not in control. I do believe that God is in control. He knows what's going on. But I have no clue. I have heard people talk about God's timing and God's sovereignty and I believe both of those things to be good. I have noticed though that it is easy to tell someone else to wait on God's timing, when your time is NOW. I think that goes with anything. But we all have NOW moments, so why am I always looking ahead to then? When will then be now??? AND with that, I have to close with:

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