I delivered a package to some guy the other day; and as I approached him; he asked "Are you going to heaven when you die?" Well, I know what this guy was doing. He doesn't know me. I could be anybody. As a believer, this guy has taken on this duty of making sure that I am "saved." Anything less than a definitive and certain answer will branch the seemingly surface level conversation into a personal probing of life situations, spiritual encounters, emotional baggage. So in order to deflect the oncoming missile, I say, "Absolutely...please sign.."
However, there are few things I am just ABSOLUTELY sure of. The things I am actually sure about actually are faith issues. The Bible says that faith is to be sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Well, I dunno. There seems to be room for doubt in there. And in my quest to be honest and open about my questions and doubts, it would be tough to really dialogue with this guy about my doubts on where I go.
I think about these doubts sometimes. A few weeks ago I caught myself looking at my old college's job placement website again looking at youth ministry positions. I had been considering getting back into it. However, I don't know now if I could ever do it again, especially the way I did before. I have so many questions. And it seems the more I learn and seek; the more questions I have. Something I valued in the youth ministry that I went through was that it was a place for answers. I think that a lot of youth need some clear cut answers. Yet, I don't know if I have clear cut answers; I just know what I believe. And even that has changed over time.
Recently, I was looking at this venue as a possible place to do my music. But it was a venue that would only book Christian artists. I don't even know what that means anymore. But this place had a survey/questionnaire that is supposed to determine the 'Christian-ness' of your artistry. For some, maybe it's not a big deal. However, I found it to be kind of silly.
It reminded me of when I was watching a presidential debate or something and someone asked the candidate if they believed EVERY WORD of the Bible. I emphasis that here because they emphasized it there. I believe the guy who answered gave a very careful reply. But the questioner was looking for a yes or no; cut and dry answer. I just don't know if there is a cut and dry way to do this life.
I still believe that the Bible is from God and explains life the best. And I believe 2 Tim 3:16 to be true. But there is a lot I'm still unsure of. And I think that someone who knows everything about the Bible still won't know EVERYTHING about God. Especially God. So I'm not sure what to do with cookie cutter responses and being SURE. Maybe it's healthy to have a fear of being wrong. Maybe some uncertainty will make it more real to me. I think that has to be what we all have in common.
Guys, you know that girl...that you just KNOW would go out with you if you asked her? Yea, that girl. Well why don't you ever want to ask her out? I have no idea. I imagine and speculate that for whatever reason there is no mystery there. Because you just know the outcome. I think there is mystery with God. Surely. So I perhaps will stop trying to act like a know-it-all. Because I don't know it all.
But I know what I know. That sounds so pointless and confusing. But it really isn't.